Julie Goes to Hollywood: Julie's Ten Film School Survival Tips

10. Absorb any and all gossip but never pass it on. You will become a paradoxical fountain of salacious information and a trustworthy friend and ally.
9. Go to all the parties but never drink anything harder than a luke warm Yahoo, lest you be challenged to publicly rank the dubious talent levels of your assorted classmates.
8. Sleep with everyone. By this I only mean get in bed in your jammies and read your pages aloud, like Julie Andrews in a rainstorm. Even Slickster Producing Students don’t need a spare whore around to deal with in the morning.
7. Trust no one. Certainly not the producing students you’ve slept with. Either way, never share ownership of any original idea, unless the guy's name is Spielberg and he can clearly trace his close relationship to "Cousin Steve" in the family bloodline.
6. Be sure to lather, rinse and repeat on a daily basis. Nobody likes That Wacky Stinker who has a lovely way with words and an alleged series commitment from the Sci-Fi Channel.
5. Have an ignore button. Depress when Yet Another Has-Been drops in to explain why you will never sell your spec script, which roughly translates as, “Hot damn, my own career is in the crapper!”
4. Beware the Bitchy Self-Appointed Rival. You will recognize her by the bounteous unsolicited script notes only serving to prove that what she lacks in talent she makes up for with unrestrained glee for questioning yours.
3. Find out who gives out the money and bring him or her cupcakes. This is not the Big Deal Faculty Decision Maker, but the Lonely Staff Drone who actually cuts the check. It’s no use winning the big money if you can’t collect by the first of the month.
2. Never graduate. Or at least prolong the daily ritual of humiliation, obscurity and temping doing so will inevitably herald. Unless, of course, you’ve already sold and produced a feature or an award-winning television series and are just in this thing for the fun.
1. Never stay too long. This will only brand you as the Dreaded Film School Loser. I know this directly contradicts Tip #2, presenting yet another perplexing dilemma they won’t tell you about in film school.

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WHAT THEY'RE SAYING

Waking Ambrose
"Julie tells us stories not just about her aspirations and the long road to their fulfillment but also the rented bungalow, her neighbors, her dogs, her past, her friends, her losses, snark and entertainments. She writes about the whole Los Angeles the way they did when they were writing for Bogart."

Confessions of a Hollywood Juicer
"Julie has been around the Hollywood block in various incarnations, and her voice resonates with experience, insight, and humor. She puts up new posts at a pace that leaves me dizzy. Maybe that's because, unlike many of us who write about the industry, she's a pro at the keyboard, and it shows."

Complications Ensue

"Julie seems like a fascinating person who's had a charming life, unless it's the other way around. After chucking what some might consider a glamorous career as a foreign correspondent, she's got another blog about being a peon in Hollywood. I bet she gets a book out of it."

Write Procrastinator

"Screenwriter Julie knows story structure, Hollywood lore and how to show her evil landlord that the siege of Stalingrad was
just a picnic."

Kung Fu Monkey (John Rogers)

"Adding a few links I promised, as I rip through my stacked e-mails. In the Spec-Monkeys, the filthily amusing "Things They Won't Tell You in Film School." I believe the children are our future. The cynical, misled, drunken ranting children.