7.31.2006

Laura Keitlinger Stole My Life

There's a new series on IFC about a girl screenwriter ten years out of film school still waiting for her break in Hollywood. Nope, it's not Julie Goes To Hollywood, starring me, but The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, starring Laura Kightlinger.

Jackie has a best friend who's an upwardly mobile slut. Julie has an upwardly mobile stripper next door. Jackie has a day job at a second rate indie film rag. Julie had a day job at a second rate Hollywood trade rag. Jackie has a really stupid film school nemesis who becomes a smug overpaid screenwriter. Julie has a really stupid brother-in-law who became a smug overpaid sitcom weenie. Jackie even looks a little like me, if I were eight feet tall and thin and only had one chin and all. Either way, I am starting to feel like Steeley Dan with the whole Cousin Dupree debacle.

I have always liked Laura Kightlinger. I liked her on Saturday Night Live, where they never let her do much other than be brief and sarcastic while vaguely resembling Geena Davis. I liked her on Will & Grace, where she was a writer who also appeared as real life boyfriend Jack Black's nurse when he guested as a doctor. I sided with her in sisterhood when Jack dumped her after seven years to elope with some hot rocker chick he knew in high school. What do you guess the new Mrs. Black wouldn't even talk to him back then, when he was just another fat guy sniffing after her. Poor, loyal Laura was further humiliated with the requisite instant Hollywood love child who was undoubtedly named for a popular fruit.

Still, I can't forgive the identity thieving. Or the whole getting there first and doing it better thing, if that is indeed the case, which would somehow feel even worse. Laura Kightlinger may not have gotten the guy, but she did get the sitcom with an eight-episode order. Laura, if you happen to visit this blog with any frequency, and I suspect you do, please be advised that I'd be more than happy to give up my imaginary boyfriend for a staff job, or even a sweet little consulting gig. The rest of it will be our little secret. Really it will.

20 comments:

  1. And she was funny on that episode of "Tenacious D"! Granted on her ex's show.

    Great blog! Hope you don't mind I just linked you!

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  2. Anonymous8:07 AM

    ahhh... Hollywood, you got love the honesty and integrity out here. You were ripped off!... I used to like Laura but her assocation with "Lucky Louie" has made me now dislike her passionately. She was an okay comic, but she is a bad actress... and now a concept stealer. Julie, you may be imitated (stolen) but can never be duplicated. YOU are the real deal...

    P.S. Kightlinger.

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  3. Anonymous9:54 AM

    She and jack black broke up years before the new girl. FYI

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  4. Told ya ya'd find new stuff to be bitter about.

    Neener neener neener.

    (No way will the show be as good as your blog.)

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  5. Aw, shucks. Julie has much nicer fans than Jackie.

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  6. I actually don't know who she is, but if she's plagiarizing Julie, she has a good eye for material.

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  7. Hey ... an original idea in hollywood?

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  8. YEAH ANOTHER FILM SCHOOL GIRL! I used to do a film fest and worked at a movie studio! I hope you visit so I can keep your link!

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  9. we're all missing the important thing here -- does she make Julie look hot?

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  10. Way hotter than Julie is, that's for sure. You're absolutely right, hot's always a dealbreaker.

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  11. While I have no idea what Julie looks like, I can say the Jackie is soooo not hot. Her face looks as if she's spent too much time with Doctor 90210.

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  12. julie rules even if someone else steals

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  13. And all this time I thought Jack Black was dating the brunette lead actress from Mulholland Drive. I'm strangely conforted that I was wrong.

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  14. I happen to work on the show, and it's pretty damn good.

    here, you can read some reviews...

    There's a new Girl in Town...

    She's a Julier version of That Girl, or a mash up of Ab Fab and Curb Your Enthusiasm...

    e

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  15. Anonymous1:50 AM

    Thanks for the link e, I had no idea of the profound sacrifices those "crazy mother-fuckers" were making to out-Julie Julie.

    Did it take Julie's ideas to out do her or not?

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  16. That stinks, but I guess it would be better than feeling like you were Turtle from Entourage (no, I dont feel like that). Great title for a show, though, gonna have to check it out. I love Hopeless Pictures on IFC, so they've been off to a good start on the irreverent hollyweird genre.

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  17. She WISHES she was YOU!!! :)

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  18. This is either a nasty peril of blogging or something to bring to a lawyer, although in Hollywood, who knows what's best?
    *grumble*

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  19. Anonymous4:07 PM

    I know exactly what you mean by the interesting timing of Jack's current wife suddenly realizing he was a catch. Laura knew it all along, and, in my opinion, is much prettier than Tanyanoyomous.

    p.s. - Jack, if you're ever single again, I've known you were a catch from the beginning too.

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  20. Anonymous1:56 AM

    No (smile) nothiing is original in hollywood.

    the actual blue turtle ...

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