Never Confuse Your Agent with Your Dog

If you plan to be a Big Hollywood Screenwriter, you'll need to keep a couple of dogs around. Unlike everyone else you'll encounter in Hollywood, dogs are always happy to see you coming and inconsolably sad to see you go. Dogs don't lie, kiss and tell, or promise to call after you've taken off an afternoon together. They never view you as needy or pathetic or judge you when you procrastinate. In fact, they prefer you get off the computer very soon so everybody can run around outside and pee on things. They are not judgmental of your work and haven't given you a single ridiculous note, such as "What does your protaganist really want?" (He wants to sleep, chew, eat, fart and crap, what else is there?) Dogs love you unconditionally as opposed to the conditional way that say, your agent loves you. For example, dogs never recommend another client for any gig, never demand new pages, never ask you to get out of bed and off to a Big Deal Meeting when you're trying to focus on picking a side on Judge Judy. Dogs have wet noses. Agents have brown noses. Dogs chew too much. Agents talk too much. Dogs have tails. Agents chase their own tails and call that working very, very hard for you. They really have very little in common at all, agents and dogs, except the way every last one of them can make you believe, however falsely, that you're not in this thing all alone.


  1. My wife and I have a shitsu/maltese mix that stays up late with me while I'm working and is a great collaborator.

  2. This could be the first page of a novel. Love the writing style.